I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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