evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
