i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize