Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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