my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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