so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
