Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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