you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
