don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
