WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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