return my video game
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
