I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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