How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
