I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
