Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
