his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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