Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
