If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
