awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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