He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
