Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The power of my boobs compel you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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