I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
