i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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