are you still at the devil's house?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
