I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
