Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
