I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
