oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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