So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
