in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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