I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
