That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
