So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
