i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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