Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
