I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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