I want to have your abortion
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
