he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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