my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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