3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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