I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
