he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
