names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
