Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
