I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
