We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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