I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
