yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
