You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
