His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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