Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
