3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
