His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
