Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
