the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
