You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
