Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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