in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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