i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
