Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
