Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
