I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
