oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
