The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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