3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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