the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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