I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I will die if light touches me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
