So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Pooping to opera.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
