I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
