Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
