hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's never too late to be topless.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
