you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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