Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
