i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
