This beer is not sobering me up at all
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
