My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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