Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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