some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
