I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
