I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
