I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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