thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
