i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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